Hardened.

"Life on this island has hardened me, or let's say that it has made me more realistic."
--Island Beneath the Sea, Isabel Allende


Life in Bolivia has definitely hardened me, or to say, made me more realistic. Realistic about life. About the world.

Seeing the everyday struggles of people has not numbed me or broken me, but has made me realize the complete and utter inequality and injustice in the world. Not that this is not apparent in the United States, but here in the poorest country in South America, economic struggles, lack of social programs, an extremely high infant mortality rate, an underdeveloped educational system, a high rate of abuse, shacks and squatters, extreme poverty, defeat, and sadness seem to inundate life.

From the windows of buses and trufis (Type of public transportation), the amount of people trying to make a living selling candies and tissues, locks and brooms is alarming. And, even more alarming, is the amount of street kids who have run away from appalling situations of abuse, neglect, abandonment, and not being wanted. They live under bridges and in canals, washing windows and begging to get money for food and glue, the drug that calms their hunger and numbs their feelings. Everyone looks at them as the scum of society, "the invisibles." There are also the cancha workers (Those who work in the big market) who can sit all day selling clothes and shoes, fruits and vegetables, housewares and decorations, artesian goods and pets, etc. only to make a dollar or two per day. This will not go far when there are kids to feed, rent to pay, and other daily expenses.

In the two homes where I work, the stories are no different--abuse, neglect, abandonment, drug and alcohol abuse, extreme poverty, and the list goes on. Although the children are now in a place where they receive love and attention, affection and proper nutrition, an education and opportunities they would have never had, many of them have struggled, have fought, and are overcoming. Some are still grappling with stigma of being "Hogar Kids." But, many have realized they are truly lucky to have people who care for them, and will give them the love and opportunities they deserve. Despite this, many are still fighting demons and nightmares from the past, but are working towards a stable, healthy future. For this reason, these kids are my heroes. To have seen such violence, hate, discrimination, and sadness, they are so loving and caring--it truly is a beautiful thing.

So, I definitely have been hardened, or have become more realistic about life while in Bolivia. But, I don't see that as such a bad thing...

Photos from Mizque, Quebras, and Carnaval

Another one of the Quebras kids.


She was a very interesting kid. She smiled rarely, and has these very wise eyes.


We played parachute games with the kids. They were very excited and really got into the game.


Another girl from Quebras, who was very shy.


Arriving at the small community. The teacher at the wawawasi, which means baby home in Quechua, explained that many in the community have migrated. So, majority of the people who live there are small children, young adults, and elderly.


Riding in style--in the back of a garbage truck throwing water balloons and shooting our water guns at people and cars! It was so much fun!


Sofia and I walking down to the river in Mizque. One of the best moments of the trip--sitting in the river, watching the girls laugh and play.


One of the kids from Quebras, a new community we visited outside of the town. So beautiful, but such sadness in the eyes.


Another little cutie from Quebras.


He was extremely cute, and very friendly. He kept talking to me in Quechua, and sadly, I had no idea what he was saying. (I need to learn Quechua so I can communicate with the people from these communities.)


Us figuring out how to cross the very full, rushing river up to the Incan ruins.


The drive to Mizque is absolutely gorgeous!

Carnaval and Mizque Adventures!

It’s busy here in Cochabamba—we have a team from the Embassy Church in Waterloo, Canada; it’s Carnaval, a huge, fun celebration; and life is still bringing surprises and stress. Hopefully, I will officially be done with the apartment stress this week or early next week, which will be a huge relief. But, despite all the drama, Carnaval and an amazing trip to Mizque took my mind off everything.

Carnaval, which is a huge celebration and holiday in Bolivia, was an absolute blast. Last Saturday, we celebrated with the girls. The team and I were ambushed with water jugs, water balloons, and buckets of water. Despite the extreme wetness, it was so much fun! Even the little ones got involved.

Sunday we left for Mizque super early. Although I have been to Mizque and a few of the communities before, I have never been during Carnaval, which was a completely different experience, nor have I made the trip with some of the girls, which made it even better. Before arriving in Mizque, we stopped at Inkallajta, the Incan ruins in the Cochabmba region. It was the first time the girls had seen the ruins and learned the history.

Just getting to the ruins, however, was quite an adventure! We drove up in taxis, but because of all the recent rain that has filled the rivers, we couldn’t pass in the cars. So, some brave ones scaled tree trunks to the other side, and others of us crossed the rushing, very full river. It was definitely an experience I will always remember! Once we hiked up to the ruins, it was absolutely beautiful—blue skies, huge clouds, and vivid colors! We visited this beautiful waterfall, which a few of the girls climbed right into. They truly are quite the adventurers!

After the ruins, we were Mizque bound, and arrived just in time for dinner. After dinner, we played Cacho, a Bolivia dice game. Cacho is a drinking game, but because the girls were present, it turned into a whole new game of acting out animals and people.

We were up early the next morning to head to a new community, Quebras, about an hour outside of the town. But, before heading off, we armed ourselves with water guns, water balloons, and buckets of water since we were making the drive in the back of a garbage truck. Honestly, it was one of the most fun things I have ever done—hanging out of a garbage truck screaming, throwing water balloons, and shooting water at people and cars.

Once we arrived in Quebras, we quickly got to work. They kids from the wawawasi, which means baby home in Quechua, danced and sang for us. The kids in the communities we visit are absolutely beautiful. It does make me sad, however, that so many of the little ones have such sadness and defeat in their eyes—something no kid should know of at such a young age. After the presentation, we played games with them, painted their faces, and passed out the items we brought to outfit the wawawasi. The community was very thankful, and invited us to eat and enjoy time with them.

The ride back to Mizque was full of water balloons and laughter. We ate lunch, and then headed to the river to enjoy ice cream and time in the water. It was a little rougher than it appeared, but definitely wonderful to be in the water and playing with the girls. After a shower, we spent our free time together talking and chatting. But, this quickly turned into a dance competition—boys vs. girls. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time! It really is wonderful to see that you can use more than words to communicate. Although the girls and the team members don’t speak the same languages, they still were able to laugh and enjoy each other.

Tuesday, after breakfast and some free time in Mizque, we headed back to Cochabamba. Once back in the city, I took the older girls out to participate in the city-wide water fights. We had a blast, and definitely came home sopping wet.

I will miss the time spent with the girls the most. Although I love the boys and cherish the days I spend with them, I have a very different relationship with the girls. I have gotten to know many of them on a deep level, and have helped some of the older ones with boy troubles and “growing pains.” It really makes me sad to leave behind such wonderful girls, who have become my little sisters, my friends.

Another great trip to Mizque, especially because of the girls’ presence and company, and the wonderful visit to the community. These trips to small, extremely poor communities really open my eyes and make me thankful for all the blessings in my life. Celebrations and festivities like Carnaval make me realize how lucky I am to live in another country learning and living a new culture. But, it also makes me sad knowing I will not be here next year to throw water balloons from a garbage truck or run around the city with the girls laughing. Looking at the positive side, I at least have these wonderful memories, and can carry them with me forever.

Whirlwind.

Since Christmas, I feel like time has flown by and everything, including yesterday, is just memories--scattered on the ground and remembered through photos and distant memories. I want to remember everything that has happened, but it seems so far out of reach and something that can only be recalled in dreams. But, remembering is always a better option than letting the happiness and joy, sadness and melancholy of each moment pass us by, brush our skin and soar away.

Christmas was spent here in Bolivia with my parents and, of course, the kids. Preparing for the celebration was fun, as my parents and I ventured to the Cancha to find gifts for the homes. This was one of my favorite memories, and is the epitome of the holiday—giving to others, and enjoying it.

My other favorite memory was watching the kids open their presents. There is nothing like seeing the wonder, amazement, and excitement on their faces as they pull out dolls and trucks, new clothes and games! I never thought I would enjoy watching people open presents more than opening gifts myself.

Before heading home, we stopped in La Paz for a visit. La Paz, the capital, which is located in a bowl surrounded by magical mountains, is definitely one of my most favorite places. The capital city holds some indescribable magic, allure, and brilliance, and I was excited to share this with my parents.

Once back on U.S. soil, I got to see some of my best friends—definitely a highlight of being home. Without the support of my family and friends, I definitely wouldn’t be where I am today. But, soon we were headed to Kaiser emergency room because something was seriously wrong with my dad. This was very difficult because it was obvious that during our time in Bolivia, he was struggling and not well. After hours and hours in the ER, a specialist discovered he had been given the wrong type of insulin by the Kaiser pharmacy. This was definitely a low point of my time at home, and made it even harder to board the plane on January 24th back to Cochabamba.

Despite my dad’s health scare, my month at home was full of adventure, love, and wonderful memories. While enjoying beautiful scenery with my parents and enjoying a night of fun with my friends, I begged and willed time to stop, or at least slow down. It only, however, seemed to speed up.

Sooner than expected and…wanted, it was January 24th and time to return to Bolivia. It is difficult to explain and even harder to understand, but I feel like my heart is torn between a place I absolutely love—where I grew up, where my family and friends are, and where I have always called home—and a place where I have sisters and brothers, wonderful memories, a place that has helped and allowed me to grow and mature, and a place I have become attached to. I am torn between these two worlds, and wishing I was able to be in both simultaneously.

Since being back, everything has been hectic and chaotic. But, the best part has been seeing the kids and spending time with them. Once arriving, it has been non-stop work and moving and cleaning my apartment. It has been stressful trying to balance both, but we have to do what we have to do, despite the pressure and stress.

As of now, despite the chaos, I am trying to enjoy my time with the kids, and prepare myself for my journey back to the States this summer. It is already a daunting thought as I think about leaving this life and the kids that I have come to love and cherish in about 4 months. But, part of me is looking forward to a new journey and a new adventure.