Life is a struggle. We struggle with school when we are young. We struggle with work when we are older. We struggle with relationships. We struggle with love and hate. We struggle with time. And, as I sit here in my bed, I struggle with distance. Lately, it has been difficult to be thousands of miles from the ones I love. Especially since people are sick and things are wrong. In between waiting for biopsy results about my mom, my dad ends up in the emergency room last night.
I couldn't be happier with my life in Bolivia--working with some of the most amazing people and kids I have ever met, finding myself, and changing my outlook on life. But, news like this only makes me wish I was 2 hours away, and could catch a flight or get in my car. Life works in mysterious ways. As we struggle to help a girl in need within the organization, my heart is being pulled in two directions. I know it is important to stay in Bolivia and do the work I was called to do, but being with my family during this time feels just as right.
Confusion and uncertainty rattles around in my brain as I attempt to sleep. My dad always tells me to compartmentalize, like President Bill Clinton. But, in this case, compartmentalizing is not an option. My mom's results and my dad's health weigh heavy on me, as does my work with Ninos con Valor and the future of a girl that is searching for missing pieces.
So, I guess each day is a struggle. We power through 24 hours with 450 things on our minds. I only hope that love and thoughts, wishes and hopes can cross boundaries and fly to those who are far. Although I cannot hug and kiss you, I can hold you in my heart. Always.
Dear Megs--I have struggled to put my Sunday night journey to hell into some perspective. I have come close to death before, but this was so different, so isolating, and so lonely. I only know that after that journey, there is no one, no light, and no answers at the end of that tunnel. I was in a void for a very long time, a silent, empty, dark void. There were no answers. I believed I was lost, but in the room of the dark place, over a great distance, there was you, and the dark Andes, and the shadows of Bolivia. I know you were there to pull me back--and today I am getting better and recovering and doing my best to remember. You are helping so many important young people there in Bolivia. You are doing such an important job. Remember always, no dream is deferred. Today is the 22nd and tomorrow is the 23rd--and we are getting close to April 22nd. You were there, Megs, and you pulled me back.
ReplyDeletedon't ever forget that.