Whirlwind.

Since Christmas, I feel like time has flown by and everything, including yesterday, is just memories--scattered on the ground and remembered through photos and distant memories. I want to remember everything that has happened, but it seems so far out of reach and something that can only be recalled in dreams. But, remembering is always a better option than letting the happiness and joy, sadness and melancholy of each moment pass us by, brush our skin and soar away.

Christmas was spent here in Bolivia with my parents and, of course, the kids. Preparing for the celebration was fun, as my parents and I ventured to the Cancha to find gifts for the homes. This was one of my favorite memories, and is the epitome of the holiday—giving to others, and enjoying it.

My other favorite memory was watching the kids open their presents. There is nothing like seeing the wonder, amazement, and excitement on their faces as they pull out dolls and trucks, new clothes and games! I never thought I would enjoy watching people open presents more than opening gifts myself.

Before heading home, we stopped in La Paz for a visit. La Paz, the capital, which is located in a bowl surrounded by magical mountains, is definitely one of my most favorite places. The capital city holds some indescribable magic, allure, and brilliance, and I was excited to share this with my parents.

Once back on U.S. soil, I got to see some of my best friends—definitely a highlight of being home. Without the support of my family and friends, I definitely wouldn’t be where I am today. But, soon we were headed to Kaiser emergency room because something was seriously wrong with my dad. This was very difficult because it was obvious that during our time in Bolivia, he was struggling and not well. After hours and hours in the ER, a specialist discovered he had been given the wrong type of insulin by the Kaiser pharmacy. This was definitely a low point of my time at home, and made it even harder to board the plane on January 24th back to Cochabamba.

Despite my dad’s health scare, my month at home was full of adventure, love, and wonderful memories. While enjoying beautiful scenery with my parents and enjoying a night of fun with my friends, I begged and willed time to stop, or at least slow down. It only, however, seemed to speed up.

Sooner than expected and…wanted, it was January 24th and time to return to Bolivia. It is difficult to explain and even harder to understand, but I feel like my heart is torn between a place I absolutely love—where I grew up, where my family and friends are, and where I have always called home—and a place where I have sisters and brothers, wonderful memories, a place that has helped and allowed me to grow and mature, and a place I have become attached to. I am torn between these two worlds, and wishing I was able to be in both simultaneously.

Since being back, everything has been hectic and chaotic. But, the best part has been seeing the kids and spending time with them. Once arriving, it has been non-stop work and moving and cleaning my apartment. It has been stressful trying to balance both, but we have to do what we have to do, despite the pressure and stress.

As of now, despite the chaos, I am trying to enjoy my time with the kids, and prepare myself for my journey back to the States this summer. It is already a daunting thought as I think about leaving this life and the kids that I have come to love and cherish in about 4 months. But, part of me is looking forward to a new journey and a new adventure.